It starts off as we a speeder gliding across what looks like
the desert plains of Tato…holy crap that’s a Star Destroyer! And a wrecked X-Wing. Gee, you never think with all those space
battles those ships had to go somewhere.
Wow…that is a seriously destroyed Darth Vader helmet, and we’ll
assume that’s Hayden Christensen’s career making a cameo as the charred skull.
Oh, shhh….Luke is giving narration from the third
movie. Wow, I’m not sure if that’s an
upgrade to the robotic hand or if someone else is lovingly touching R2-D2’s
dome. That…that sounds a little dirty.
Who’s getting a light saber from whom? It actually looks like Anakin’s old light
saber. The one lost in Empire Strikes
Back during the fight in Cloud City. I
wonder if she found they found Luke’s hand still attached to it. What else you got?
Hey, it’s that guy in the Storm Trooper uniform! Is he a defector from the empire? Is he a spy?
Who cares, TIE Fighters are shooting up the joint! That is really a good shot of the hanger bay
too. That is a very shiny storm trooper.
So is this girl Luke’s daughter? Leia’s daughter with Han? Aww, she made a friend in not-storm trooper
guy.
Speaking of Han, there’s the Millennium Falcon again, and
Han “barely useful” Solo. And Chewbacca!
Han and Leia’s daughter Rey is discovering she is strong in
the force. In an effort to help her, in
the face of the newly resurfacing empire, as well as a new Sith Lord, Leia
sends her to Luke for training. At Luke’s
behest, he has asked Leia and Han to keep his existence secret from their
children because he’s afraid that he’s turning more towards the dark side. This explains him using the quote and
deliberately not naming Leia, the girl’s mom, as his sister.
Finn, the guy in the Storm Trooper uniform is, in fact, a
rebel spy whose cover was blown and thus he had to make an exciting escape from
the Imperial stronghold. This explains
how he’s different from other storm troopers, as well as his apparent
partnering with Rey and why he seems so frazzled on the desert planet…he just
narrowly escaped with his life and probably crashed a TIE fighter in the
process.
Han, finding out that Leia sent their daughter on a crazy
mission, teams with Chewbacca again to go after her after capturing the Falcon
again from someone who shouldn’t have it.
That’s all I got.
My speculations were proven very...very...very wrong.
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