Should Chris Pratt play Indiana Jones?

 

I suppose the first question really is “Should there be another Indiana Jones film?”  To answer that, just look back a few years to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  While financially the film did “alright”, it has been raked across the fire-hot coals of the internet in terms of nonsensical plot points, poor CGI in a film series that has always relied on practical effects, and Shia LaBeouf. 

Starting from the top, let’s look at the “nonsensical plot points”.  When people talk about it, they almost always say the exact same thing: Indiana Jones could not have survived the refrigerator incident.  For those of you scratching your head, let me explain.  Early in the film, Indiana Jones is fleeing evil Russians led by Cate Blanchet doing her very best Natasha Fatale impersonation.  Seriously I spent all of her scenes expecting her to hatch a plan to “catch moose and squirrel”.  And I know I’m not alone.  Anyway, Indie runs into what he at first thinks is a quiet little town in the middle of the desert.  Turns out it’s a nuclear test site (it was within walking distance to Area 51, Indie.  I know you’re scared but use your brain.)  Once he discovers he’s about to become something between an overcooked chicken to a fine black cloud of dust, he does the only sensible thing.  He jumps into a lead lined refrigerator and is blown into the air, slams onto the ground and rolls violently several times before coming to a halt, only to be decontaminated later by government agents.  Now if you’ve ever spent any amount of time on the internet looking up this movie, you know how wrong it is.  For those of you who don’t, take a hot dog, wrap it in tinfoil, and put in your oven at 450 degrees.  That hotdog will not be in the same condition when you pull it out as when you put it in there.  Because heat makes metal hot, Indiana Jones might have been spared the radiation, but he would have been roasted alive, not to mention having every bone in his body shattered by the impact.

I will come back to this, trust me.

Outside of oven baked Harrison Ford, the next problem people have with the film is that it went the alien route rather than the supernatural route the series had in its previous three installments.  That’s really it.  That is the sum total of plot complaints I hear about the movie.

Rolling forward the next problem is the CGI in place of the practical effects the previous films had.

Prior to KotCS, the last film, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, came out in 1989.  Think about how good CGI was in 1989.  Think about how good the CGI in Jurassic Park was.  It’s easy to see how the producers could spare a few bucks on stunts by doing them in CGI, especially when your principle action hero is pushing 70 at the time of filming.  So I don’t decry them from using CGI.  I do complain that they used poor CGI on a completely stupid scene.  The second I saw Shia swinging from vines along side monkeys, I wanted to slap a producer in the face.  It was a waste of CGI, a waste of script writing, and a waste of an action scene.  By my calculation, that scene took about fifty cents of my money and I want that half dollar back.  I won’t get it, but I want it.

What was that other problem?  Oh, Shia LaBeouf.

You know what?  No he’s not the problem, or even “a problem”.  He’s an actor who gets paid to act in movies.  That’s it.  He signed up to be in an Indiana Jones movie, and for the most part he did a fine job.  What’s that, his character is more of a combination of plot conveniences than anything else?  Have you seen an Indiana Jones movie?  The sum total of the man’s life is a plot convenience.  Shia got offered a shot as a side kick in a Harrison Ford action flick and he jumped at it.  Its…not…his…fault.

He…did…his…job.  He got offered a role as an action hero.  FOUR TIMES!  This could have been the biggest career move in his life.  It’s not his fault they had him swinging with monkeys.  He had faith they knew what they were doing.

In short, stop being hateful because you never got your shot at being a side kick to Indiana Jones and leave the man alone.

Where was I?  Right, Chris Pratt.  Should he play Indiana Jones?  Sure, why not.

Oh, you need more than that.  Okay, go watch Guardians of the Galaxy.  Again, I say “sure, why not.”  He’s already played Han Solo.  But should they bother making another Indiana Jones movie?

Sure, why not.

Again, too little?

Well there are three directions they can take the franchise from this point on.  Keep going forward, either by changing Jones the same way you change James Bond, or by having him rejuvenated by the effects of the aliens/Holy Grail.  Remember, he drank from the Holy Grail once.  He was within spitting distance of ancient aliens after doing them a HUGE favor.  Who knows the results?

Option 2: Pratt/Jones’ adventures take place in between the gaps in the movies.  Remember that, according to the tie in fiction, Jones had a ton of adventures, not just the Ark, Stones, Cup, Skull adventures we were along for.  Pratt’s films could take place between these movies, which actually leaves a lot of room for story and character development.  Heck, we’ve played with aliens, why not do a little time traveling and have young Jones meet Shia’s character.  Skys the limit folks.

Option 3: Straight reboot.  Honestly if the only thing you can think to do with Indiana Jones is reboot the franchise all together; you might as well not bother at all.